When He Thinks He's Not Good Enough...

As parents, there will be many times our heart will break for our children.

In my 9 years of being a mom, there has been a specific time that my heart breaks at it's very deepest. And that is when Remi thinks he is just not good enough.

Winter Reading Benchmark Testing was just sent home a few days ago. I never make a big deal of these. I want my boys to know that regardless of test scores, their worth is far beyond any number a computer can spit out. If they do great, I say 'great job' with a high-five. If there are areas that aren't so great, well, my words don't comment there. I know both my boys give their very best in school and if they are lacking in areas, well, it's not because they didn't try.

I want my boys to succeed in school and I put many hours of time and thought into helping them achieve classroom victories. But my helping is more behind the scenes, a silent, invisible intervention.

As I looked over Remi's scores, all I could think was how very proud of him I was. 3rd Grade started out rough. It took a lot of trial and error to make the leaps and bounds we have. There were days I wasn't sure we were going to make it.

On Remi's test, there were three parts he was tested on. On two parts, Remi scored at the NATIONAL AVERAGE. Y'all, for a little boy who struggles with text the way he does, scoring the same as most students his age is absolutely amazing to me. Remi had to work 10x harder than any other student to get in that green area- and that is just what he did! If you look at his progression from the Fall to this Winter, his progression was greater than 75% of all other students.

I want you to think about that.

A child that was considered HIGH RISK in the Fall, progressed at a faster rate than most other students. A child that cries in anger because he can't make his mind read the way he wants, a child that yawns and lays his head down within the first two sentences of independent reading because it is so downright exhausting to cipher through letters, a child that brings home paper after paper that says 'read aloud' in read ink at the top, has found something inside himself that has pushed him above his limitations and into not only the 'green' zone but did is faster than your average student.

I think what my Remi has found is grit.

By definition, Grit is:

"firmness of mind or spirit : unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger :
managed to survive by his grit and guile"

Yes, that is most definitely what Remi has found.

Let me continue my story. Later the next day, Remi mentioned his benchmark to me. He said, and I quote...

"Mom, I didn't do that good on it."

Oh, how my heart sunk. He compared himself to one of his best friends who happens to be an incredible reader and who aced his benchmark. He also mentioned that he scored in the yellow for his Oral Fluency.

I stopped right there in my tracks, looked my baby in the eyes and told him how very wrong he was. I explained to him how hard I knew he had worked to get to the 'green'. I used every word I could find to tell him how wonderful I thought he was and that I was proud of him.

That's when he looked up at me, smiled, and gave me a hug.

And that little hug, told me what his words never could. In his hug, he thanked me for believing in him, for knowing how hard it was for him, but noticing how hard he has been working.

My prayer for this hard-headed little boy, is that no matter the score, no matter the words of others, he will always know that he is enough just the way he is.